Love On The Brain

Summary: Hee-do experiences more firsts with Yi-jin.

Author’s note: I keep overthinking this one. So I’m just going to post it. I just feel like Hee-do would be competitive about many things.

“You look happy.”

She tries ineffectively to tamper the smile on her face but it’s a lost cause, like the sun’s rays peeking through rain clouds her joy is just too powerful and natural. She gives up and gives into her emotions. She beams at her mother, simple breakfast on the table between them.

“I heard that Reporter Baek is back. I thought you both had called it quits. I guess not. I told you both years ago, but treat each other well.”

This time she can feel the hidden affection in her mother’s words, years ago it has seemed too cold to her- most mothers would of at least threatened or warned an older man away from their teenage daughter. She’d seen it in enough dramas, but maybe even back then they had been obvious. Plus he had never taken advantage of her, he had never been a predator and she’d never left like a victim. They were just them.

“Have a good day. I’ll be at the training center today.” She replies, spooning broth into her mouth purposely ignoring the subject. Talking to her mother about Baek Yi-jin is no easier now at twenty one than then at seventeen, she still feels like a kid in front of her mother’s knowing look. At least she still approves, not that it would have made or broke their relationship but it was nice to know. Her mother had grown to be someone she deeply care about.

“You too. Just remember that you’re an Olympic gold medalist. You two need to careful in the public eye.”

She nods along, only half listening now. Yi-jin had just texted her good morning, eagerly she sends back a message.

I miss you.

It’s not long because he responds, she giggles at her screen. He was such a romantic sometimes, it was both endearing and embarrassing.

Not as much as I miss you. I love you.

That was new, his constant declarations of love. He would whisper it into the top of her head as they hugged goodbye, on the phone as their conversation winded down, between passionate kisses and in their text messages. She could always feel his love in all his actions before but now she was privileged enough to hear it daily, sometimes more than once a day.

“Your hair is in your soup.”

Her mother’s bemused words drag her away from her pondering, she hisses as she looks down at the wet strands of her hair in her bowl. She shouldn’t be such a mess just because he said he loved her, but she couldn’t help it. Being loved by him felt like a gift and a blessing.

She takes the hand towel passed in her direction, squeezing the ends of her hair.

Her mother leaves first but she’s not far after, cursing at the clock as she grabs a sweater and her fencing bag. Haphazardly stumbling out of her front door in a frenzy, coach would kill her if she was late. As she’s waiting impatiently for the bus, she recalls her mother asking if she wanted to get her license. Perhaps it wasn’t a bad idea. She shouldn’t expect Yi-jin to be her chauffeur forever after all.

She makes it with a minute to spare. Coach glowers at her but otherwise leaves her be. Her team mates all greet her with applause congratulating her on her most recent medal win, she grins proudly bowing in gratitude. This feeling never got old, making her teammates happy even coach was grinning at her before snapping out of it and barking at them to get changed and start practicing.

Somethings never changed.

Practice goes on for hours, she’s so exhausted but she pushes past her limit. Phone forgotten in her locker but Yi-jin still on her mind, she wonders what he’s doing? Has he eaten already? Would she see him today? It was hard with their schedules but they always made time for each other, going on dates at all sorts of hours.

Her sleep pattern was in shambles but it was worth it to see his beautiful face.

En garde. Pret. Allez.

The words repeat on loop until her arms feel like jelly and her body is drenched with sweat.

Subconsciously she starts to think about Yi-jin sweating underneath her last time, his mouth open in a sensuous circle as he pumped his hips up and gripped at her waist forcefully dragging her to match his mind numbing rhythm. She remembers her choked moan as he tugged her hair away from her face and sucked on the naked skin of her neck, his tongue laved at the sweat on her flesh while he thrust into her so hard she bounced on his lap arching her back so he could move deeper inside her.

Her cheeks burn red at the memory and then she suddenly remembers where she is.

All her team mates are staring at her, same shocked looks on their faces.

Damn. What had she done? This was all his fault he was turning her into a pervert!

“Are you okay Hee-do? We called your name a few times but you were just staring at the wall.”

She swallows hard, hiding behind her hair as they detail what she was doing as she was lost in her fantasy.

“Then you started…um making noises. And your face got really red. Are you sick or something?”

She almost facepalms intense shame flooding her body, dousing the unexpected and honestly unwanted desire. She wassick.

In the head.

She stares at the padded floor instead of their stunned faces.

“I… I’m just tired. Don’t worry about me. I’ll go first!” It’s not the most subtle escape but she’s uninterested in an elegant retreat, she runs into the locker room wiping the sweat from her body and hurriedly changing out of her uniform. She’s already out the door when they start coming in, she waves good bye racing out the center before they can ask her any more questions.

The spring air cools her cheeks, helping her catch her breath and douse her heated thoughts.

She wasn’t an overtly sexual person, before Yi-jin she’d never really given much thought to the act. It was something she knew about vaguely, aware that most people her age were doing it but she was not. They’d only kissed a handful of times before he left her to go to New York. Back then she was too busy worrying about his safety to think about something that seemed so trivial. And then he’d come back. Grayer than when he left but he stayed true to his word, sought out professional help and worked hard at fixing their fractured relationship.

It was hard to miss the way he would look at her. Then looking wasn’t enough and their kisses increased, he would walk her home but minutes later she’d be wrapped in his arms his tongue persistent in her mouth. His hands wouldn’t be still during those heated moments, stroking her hips, neck and most recently her ass, groping her like he didn’t care who saw. It was unlike the Yi-jin she thought she knew.

Sex was inevitable after that. She wanted it as desperately as him, in a constant state of arousal around him.

Her first time was gentle, unbelievably so. He pushed inside and stayed still until she was able to stop wincing, gently wiping at the tears on her cheeks. He kissed her all over until the pain resided and she stopped clinging to his broad shoulders.

When he asked her if she was ready, she shook her head yes lost in his eyes.

The bed squeaks filled her ears as he thrusted slowly arms rigid beside her head as she curled her legs around his waist, opening herself up more to him and he groaned as he pushed into her harder nudging at a spot that eventually tipped her over the edge.

They were both speechless after, then he held her until she fell asleep.

After that, it was like they were possessed. Unable to be in each other’s presence for more than a few minutes before ending up naked and lost in each other, once he’d attacked her at the door hoisting her up before slamming her into the door. Just remembering gets her hot and bothered.

Buying condoms was no longer embarrassing because they did it so often (okay they still giggled and pushed it into the other’s hand) , but they were used to the wide eyes of whatever cashier was ringing them up as they dropped another jumbo pack of protection. It was the only box that lasted them a decent amount of time.

She’d even considered birth control but there was the possibility that it could affect her drug tests and it would be too embarrassing to explain to coach why her hormone levels were different. Condoms were just easier.

She was perpetually sore. She was using muscles that had been ignored for so long. But they had to make up for all the lost time so she accepted her fate.

The vibrations of her phone ultimately knocks her from her musings. She’s so distracted today it’s pathetic. Expecting a familiar she clears her throat before answering, “Hello?”

The responding voice is familiar but only faintly.

“Na Hee-do?”

She racks her brain but comes up empty handed no clue who she’s talking to.

“Yes?”

“I don’t know if you remember me but I’m Baek Yi-jin’s old supervisor, Seo Jung-hyuk. Sorry to bother you so late, I’m getting deja vu making this call but I need your help. Again.”

That’s how she ends up outside a well known bbq spot, she smirks at the cheesy name: Meat Me. It was becoming a habit, picking up a too drunk Yi-jin and dragging his heavy body back to his apartment. He’d given her the passcode to it pretty early into them officially getting back together (or choosing to stay together.)

Looks like it was another one of those nights.

She almost puts on a face mask unprepared for the amount of smoke that wafts into her face as she opens the door. The restaurant is loud and bustling, servers running around to please impatient customers. Despite the lack of lighting and the smoke coming off from several grills, she finds her boyfriend quickly. He’s such a loud cheerful drunk, she grins at him singing in his seat empty bottle of soju his make shift microphone.

With an exasperated sigh she starts walking over to him, ready for him to see her and crush her in a drunken embrace. She’ll never admit it out loud but he’s an adorable drunk.

Jung-hyuk doesn’t see her yet but he’s trying to steady a wavering Yi-jin and she speeds up to go assist him but then there’s another body lifting Yi-jin up, hands holding her boyfriend’s shoulder and shifting him back onto his seat.

Yi-jin laughs boisterously letting this unknown person touch him so freely. Her heart pulses at the view, staring sharply as the woman sits beside her boyfriend and offers him water. She growls as this stranger lays a bold hand on Yi-jin’s back helping him to bring the cup to his lip.

Who the hell was that?

She glowers in her spot feet stuck to the floor. This is the first time there’s been a woman here with them. She knew that women worked at the tv station but she’d never seen any of them, she wants to rip her away from Yi-jin. Why was she so comfortable touching someone else’s boyfriend?

But then another thought occurs to her very few people were aware of their relationship, what if this woman didn’t know about them? She hates to admit it but Yi-jin looks incredible in a suit, his coworkers probably swooned over him all the time. They would be more than happy to flirt with him especially if they thought he was single.

“Oh! You’re here! Thank goodness!”

Yi-jin’s sunbae hops out of his own seat, only stumbling a little before finding his footing. Yi-jin wasn’t the only one who had to much to drink then, that was new he usually stayed sober.

She forces her eyes away from Yi-jin and the strange woman who is helping him put on his jacket now.

“Baek Yi-jin. Look who it is?”

Yi-jin barely reacts struggling to get his arms through the holes, there’s a light sheen of sweat coating his forehead and she prickles as that foreign hand wipes it with a napkin for him.

That’s the last straw for her, sidestepping Jung-hyuk she grabs the hand in mid air halting it and pulling it away. The woman looks at her in shock finally releasing Yi-jin who cries triumphantly as he gets on his jacket on his own. He looks so ridiculously proud of himself. It’s almost cute enough to distract her.

“What are you doing?”

“Who are you?”

They speak at the same time, and she only sees Yi-jin finally responding to the sound of her voice in her peripheral because she never looks away from the eyes that gaze back at her in clear challenge. She wasn’t going to lose.

“Na Hee-do! What are you doing here? I missed you all day, come here baby!”

Then without warning he snatches her up lifting and plopping her into his lap, their heads almost collide but her quick reflexes save them at the last minute. She opens her mouth to reprimand him but she doesn’t get to utter a word because it’s full, with his tongue. He’s undeniably drunk, there’s no finesse to his movements his tongue overly aggressive in her mouth and his hands wandering. She momentarily melts into his touch before remembering that they have an audience. She breaks the lip lock with a harsh push, covering his mouth just as he leans in to attack her again.

“Mmnmafeedo!”

She ignores his muffled cry looking over her shoulder but in a wonderful turn of events, Jung-hyuk is no longer behind her. Their only audience is the woman from earlier who looks on stunned, her hands closed tight on the table.

“Yi-jin oppa. Who is this?” The woman grits between clenched teeth looking furious at her in Yi-jin’s lap. It makes her skin crawl hearing someone else call him that. Maybe this was how he’d felt all those years ago about Jun-ho. She understood now.

She moves closer in a petty move, rubbing her nose into his neck knowing that’s one of his weak spots. As expected Yi-jin sighs at the contact, hugging her tighter and she tries to forget that they’re surrounded by others. This would surely make headlines if anyone saw them.

She answers for Yi-jin who is too busy pawing at her. He’s quite handsy when drunk enough that’s a new revelation.

“I’m his girlfriend. Who are you?”

She feels a wave of satisfaction as the other woman bristles at the word looking at Yi-jin to deny the claims but he’s giggling beneath her.

“My pretty girlfriend Na Hee-do! She’s so pretty right? She gets prettier every time she wins another medal.”

She blushes at his drunk statement, petting his head fondly as she tries to climb out of his lap.

“I thought you were just saying that. You really have a girlfriend?” She questions looking affronted.

Ah. So Yi-jin had told her, some of her initial anger simmers away but then it rekindles at the implications, she had sought out Yi-jin even though he’d told her that he had a girlfriend. Did she think that if she pretended that she didn’t exist it would become so?

Yi-jin is starting to look sleepy, all his drinking finally taking a toll on him. She strokes his red cheeks before looking back at the unwelcome guest.

“He really has a girlfriend. Me. He’ll forget this in the morning luckily for you, so don’t embarrass yourself by confessing your feelings or trying to steal him away. It won’t do anything. Baek Yi-jin is mine. Stop wasting your time on someone you’ll never have.”

The tension is thick between them and for a moment she fears that things will escalate but that’s when Yi-jin’s sunbae returns seemingly from the bathroom, looking a touch more sober.

“Thank you for coming to get him. This is Yi-jin’s assistant by the way, have you two already been introduced?”

Assistant huh? She huffs before starting to lift up her limp boyfriend throwing his arm over her shoulder.

“Yes, we’ve been introduced.”

It’s not a complete lie. The woman knows who she is, that’s most important.

“Good, good. Well I’ll call her a cab, should I get one for you two as well?”

She considers it but only for a second, Yi-jin doesn’t live too far and maybe a brisk walk will sober him up a little.

“No. It’s okay we’ll walk.”

“Are you sure? It’s late, Yi-jin would have my head if he was sober.”

Well maybe he shouldn’t have drank his weight in soju then he would have a say in this, she thinks with a vindictive shrug. Undoing her scarf to wrap around his neck letting him lean his weight on her thankful for all of her strength training.

“He lives close. We’ll be fine.”

“Okay. Come on Ran-ah I’ll get you a cab. Next time you should go earlier, don’t try to keep up with Yi-jin he’s a drunkard.” She has a mild urge to defend her boyfriend but this is the third time this week, she can’t argue with facts. At least he wasn’t drinking alone anymore.

Ran-ah doesn’t react at first, looking annoyed at her and she smiles brightly in response.

“Thanks for calling me. I’ll take him home first before he wakes up and starts acting …….frisky.” Her word choice gets a scandalized brow lift from Jung-hyuk and a very satisfying scowl from Ran-ah, with a slight bow she walks away Yi-jin dragging his feet beside her.

“Shouldn’t we help Yi-jin oppa?”

“He’s fine now. His baby has got him, he’s in good hands. You need to worry about yourself.”

Jung-hyuk is a good friend. A great friend actually, the best friend that Yi-jin has besides her. She’ll buy him a meal the next time she sees him he deserves it.

The temperature has dropped severely since she arrived and she shivers in place, jumping as something brushes against her neck.

It’s her scarf. Yi-jin is wrapping it back around her neck.

“You’re up?”

He doesn’t reply at first too preoccupied putting the scarf around her and then taking his jacket off and throwing it over her shoulder, she snuggles into the thick wool like material. She had forgotten her jacket in her rush to get over here. But thank goodness she had, there were bugs all around him. She was more than happy to exterminate them.

“She’s just my assistant and basically a kid compared to us. What was all that about Na Hee-do?” She stops at his accusatory words, turning to look at him sharply. His cheeks were slight a bit red but nothing like when she’d first entered the restaurant.

Was he seriously trying to scold her right now?

“Were you even drunk?” She accuses him right back, starting to move away.

He looks slightly guilty, “Not as drunk as I acted. I didn’t know how to get away. I knew if I acted really drunk then Sunbae would call you and I could leave.”

So he had been acting. She blushes remembering that kiss, what had possessed him to go that far in front of other people?

Was it because of that woman?

“She likes you.”

It’s obnoxiously obvious and she’s ready to argue with him when he denies the claim, rebuttals already waiting on her tongue.

“I know.”

She stops at his calmly stated words. Staring up at the night sky instead of her insane boyfriend.

“But you still want me to be kind to her? When she’s all over you even though she knows about me? How many others are there? Do I need to come tell all of them you’re mine?”

She hadn’t been lying, he did live close by. His building only a few paces away from them now and she’s grateful because of she stays much longer this might turn into a real fight.

“Get upstairs safely. I’ll talk to you later.” She turns around deciding she’ll keep his jacket for now, it’s payment for this frustrating night.

“You said that you didn’t get jealous. You tease me so much, but look at you ready to abandon me because you’re so jealous.” There’s so much joy in his voice and she wants to argue with him but there’s too much evidence against her, it’s pointless. The truth was that she got jealous on a regular, there were always eyes on her boyfriend but her saving grace was that his eyes were always on her so he never even noticed all the attention he garnered.

Huffing loudly, she spins around letting her emotions float up to the surface.

“Fine! I’m jealous, are you happy about that? Why would I want to see anyone else touching you? Why were you even drinking with her, you always glared at me when I mentioned getting drinks with Jun-ho op- Jun-ho! But now you’re getting drinks with a junior who has a crush on you. You’re such a hypocrite!”

His eyes get larger and larger with her rant, she hopes that he didn’t notice her slip with Jun-ho. She didn’t do it for him, she just didn’t feel like calling him oppa right now.

He stares at her long and hard before reaching over to pull her into a hug. She fights him, kicking and pushing but it’s futile he’s too strong even slightly tipsy still.

“Stop fighting me.”

She does stop but not because he told her to, she’s just tired it’s been a long day and she came to get him straight from training.

“It’s not what you think. I was only getting a drink with Jung-hyuk. He’s getting married so I was celebrating with him. She was there when I came back from the bathroom, said her friends had bailed on her and asked if she could sit with us. We felt bad for her so we invited her to stay. That’s it. She mentioned buying me a meal and I told her that I had a girlfriend, I thought that she got the message.”

“Well she didn’t.”

“I think she did now. You said it loud and clear.”

She pretends not to know what he means but the asshole doesn’t stop there. He was just as petty as her.

“Baek Yi-jin is mine. Don’t waste your time trying to get what belongs to me.” He says high pitched and haughty.

She yells in protest, “I didn’t say that last part! Stop making it sound worst.”

She shoves him away hard, cheeks stained a fiery red hating that satisfied smirk on his face.

“You’ve done worst! What about when you threatened that guy at the coffee shop? You told him that if he kept staring at me you’d make sure it was the last thing he ever saw!”

“And I meant it. He was making you uncomfortable.”

She hates the heat that sears at the dark promise in his words, she’d felt this on that day too. She almost stopped going to that coffee shop to avoid seeing that man, he didn’t try to hide his ogling at all his gaze hard on her chest and legs. After Yi-jin’s threat she hadn’t seen him again.

“But you have nothing to worry about, I’ll talk to Ran-ah and if she can’t be professional I’ll get a new assistant.”

That makes the tightness in her chest loosen minutely, she hates how much seeing someone flirt with him affected her. She’s never been like this before him, she doesn’t want to lose him.

“What are you thinking about? I don’t mind that you got jealous, I like that you’re possessive of me. You know I feel the same way about you.”

“I can’t stop thinking about her hands on you. She wants to take my place. I could see it all over her face, I could read everything going through her mind. It still makes me mad.”

She confesses and he looks pleased, reaching out to take her hand before pulling it over and placing her palm in his chest.

“Do you feel that?”

His heart is thumping under her hand. It does nothing to qualm the fever under her skin.

“You know that I belong to you body and soul, but you also own this Hee-do. Every beat of my heart is yours too so don’t be upset, just take what’s yours and ignore everything else. Nobody could ever take your place, come upstairs and I’ll show you exactly what you mean to me.”

Her body quivers from the promise lighting up at his words, taking in a deep breath she returns his hard stare not backing down.

“No.”

He looks shocked and then hurt at her denial his grip on her hand loosening until their hands hang between them, finger tips barely touching. Then she steps closer, placing her arms around his waist and tugging delighted at the low pitched grunt he releases.

“Tonight I’m going to show you what you mean to me.”

She makes good on her word, pushing him through his bedroom door as soon as they’re in his apartment. The bed bounces as she shoves him on it and he’s a mess as she tugs down his pants and swallows what he offers. It’s far from perfect, it’s the first time she’s done this to him but all his noises encourage her to keep going. She licks and sucks at his thick length until his salty flavor floods her mouth, it feels unimaginably big in her mouth and when he erupts she struggles to swallow it all.

But never one to back down from a challenge, she tries her best almost choking around him.

“Hee-do! I love you! I love you so much.”

She has his dick in her mouth so his confessions of love aren’t surprising.

Later after he’s spent and her jaw is sore, she collapses on his chest exhaustion catching up with her.

“I really do. I’m so in love with you Na Hee-doo. Only you. Only ever you.”

Fine. She takes him more seriously now. He made her heart flutter.

She would probably still get jealous at times. It was inevitable but this helps, him soft and dazed beneath her. Confessing his feelings to her over and over. His naked body on display for her hungry eyes. Nobody else gets to see him like this. Only her.

Because he’s hers.

Forever’s Just Too Short

Summary: That fight in the tunnel leads to different results.

Author’s note: Cathartic to write about this now after a few days to process my thoughts. Although Yi-jin blames himself a lot in this, I don’t think anyone’s really at fault it just seemed in character that he would blame himself. Dedicated to @orphiccsand@truccieeboo and all the other Baekdo stans in my asks and comments. A commercial break from sexual therapy.

The words cut like a dagger slashing across the tender flesh of his heart, sinking deep and drawing blood. The pain sears through his skin and plummels at his bones, a hurt like no other he’s ever endured before mostly due to it being at her hands, or better yet her words.

“Watch what you say.” He bites back intense fury, hurt and devastation all crashing over him like the thunderous waves of a tsunami.

How could she dare to utter those words to him? Did such a short period of time apart negate all the love and devotion he’d poured into her and this relationship? He was fucking broken standing on a ledge hovering over damnation and what, she was going to be the final blow that threw him over the edge?

Angry tears pool in her eyes and he viciously silences the piece of him that wants to comfort her, rock her back and forth in his arms and whispers sweet nothings into her ears. They weren’t each other’s lifelines anymore or so she claimed.

“This love isn’t supporting me anymore Baek Yi-jin. I want to stop.”

Her face at this heart shattering moment will haunt him more than the scarred ashen dead bodies being carried on stretchers.

He will never forget the way his heart cracked as he looks at her putting a stop to their love, this unnameable love. This rainbow like love that once brought them both so much joy and understanding.

Then without his input again, she starts to walk away and it feels final. Like she’s walking out of his life forever.

He feels cemented to the ground, immobile as she goes further and further away her shoulders trembling with each step she takes away from him.

His vision is blurry and it’s impossible to catch his breath, he can’t even find the air to call her name or beg her to stop.

Please. Don’t go. You’re all I have. I need you. I love you.

He wants to say it all but he can’t. His mouth won’t open.

This is it.

This is how they end.

Then like film flashing through this mind he sees the victims of that horrific attack, recalls the quiver in their voices as they told him what happened, begged him to help them and cried about their lost loved ones.

“I couldn’t stop screaming. I had to know if he was still alive. I couldn’t leave him. I couldn’t, so I called his name over and over and over. Even when I was rescued, his name was the only thing on my tongue. He was..my everything. I had to see him for myself. Even if it was to say goodbye.”

Bearing witness to suffering of those people both destroyed him and strengthened him. Scared him and provided hope.

What was he doing? How could he let her go without a fight, without even trying? He had the privilege of choice. Something others would have given anything for. His cowardice was an insult to their pain.

“Na Hee-do!”

Her name rumbles from deep down below, his throat feels raw and stripped but once he’s starts he can’t stop.

“Na Hee-do! Don’t you dare take another step away from me!” He bellows, his voice echoing.

She stands frozen, as he repeats the very words that made all his walls crumple around him like glass sugar. He can now hear her deep sobs as his feet finally lift from the ground now light as a feather, walking, jogging then all but flying to her. If he lets her go now then it’s all over and he’ll give up everything before he allows that to happen.

He doesn’t wait for her to turn around. Instead he grabs her shoulders and pulls her back into his arms, ignoring the stiffness in her body it only lasts a second too long before she’s shattering inside his embrace. Immediately he tightens the hold, keeping her together with his bare hands.

“Baek Yi-jin,” she sobs her hot tears landing on his forearms, “I don’t know what to do. What should I do? I don’t know how to keep you! I can’t ask you to stay here but I can’t let you go, if you go back I’ll lose you forever. There’ll be nothing left of you for me to have.”

She’s not wrong. September 11 has stolen a part of him that he fears he’ll never get back. A light that will forever be darkened.

But he’s still here and he still loves her. The darkness hasn’t swallowed him whole, not yet.

“I turned down the position.”

That’s a white lie. He hasn’t turned it down yet but he’s going to. He’s done all he can do there, told the stories that needed to be heard and lent an ear to those who needed one. He foolishly believed he was quitting if he came back to Korea, but all those endless nights and countless glasses of scotch have shown him that was false, he’s surviving. He has to do this to live.

“What? But I don-”

“I did it for me.”

She doesn’t say a word but he knows what she’s thinking already. Remembers when he lied and told her that he would have chased down that referee for anyone. She had pretended not to be hurt then too. He’s tried of them playing pretend.

“I’m doing it because I need you. I can live without you but I don’t want to. I don’t want to live a life where I can’t see you and make you laugh and be the one who loves you. I want you more than I’ve ever wanted anything Hee-do. I want to marry you, have kids with you and share all of my life with you. It can’t be anyone but me. I won’t allow it.”

He’s terrified when she starts to pull away but it’s only so she can twists in his arms. Her eyes are nearly swollen shut, puffy and red and this time he can’t ignore his instinct so he brushes the tears away just like she did for him. He’s handling something fragile right now, their love feels like spun glass hovering between them.

“I hate you. ”

It hurts momentarily but he knows that hate cannot exist without love.

“I finally understand what a break up feels like now.” She continues, with a shaky smile that doesn’t reach her eyes.

He shakes his head, cupping her face and staring deep into her eyes.

“We’re not breaking up.”

All the fight has left her body, the rage depleting until he just sees a broken hearted girl. She looks so young and helpless.

“Do you hear me? We’re not breaking up. I’m going to keep on loving you. Can you love me again?

He can’t blame her for wanting to give up, he left her alone with barely any explanation and then spiralled into a darkness so deep that she couldn’t see him anymore. He purposely ignored her calls worried that his depression would taint her, she was so bright he didn’t want to dim her shine.

She was right. He was pushing her away, only wanting her to see the best side of him and hiding when that wasn’t possible. She should hate him. He hated himself at times, he wasn’t what she deserved.

But he was selfish. Too selfish to give her up.

"I never wanted to depend on someone.”

He knows that. He had probably worsened her trauma and fear of abandonment. Knowing that only makes the self loathing grow deeper.

“I listened to you every night. I took all your recordings from the broadcasting room and I listened to you every night. The first time you left me I walked every night to listen to you on the payphone. How could I ever hate you? I don’t know how to do anything but love you and want you.”

It’s more than a hug. Their limbs tangle in a way that he’s not sure that anyone would be able to tell where she begins and he ends. Interwined just like their souls.

“Please kiss me.”

She begs him, crying louder now gripping at his shirt so tightly it almost hurts and he accepts the pain nearly reveling in it, he wants her to hold on and never let go.

Her lips are salty, both of their faces wet as he answers her plead plunging into her with all his might and desire. She’s uncharacteristically docile in his arms, softer than the Hee-do he knows but he accepts this; accepts what she gives him. He pries her mouth open with a firm tongue, plundering her mouth until she cries out clinging to him now letting him have his way with her mouth.

“Yi-jin.”

He swallows her moan, it’s been too long without her in his arms and her flavor exploding on his tongue.

He kisses her until she’s breathless and pulls away to catch her breath.

But his hands are restless roaming every inch of her skin that he’s been missing. Curving over the sharp blades of her shoulder and the soft dip of her waist.

“I missed you so much.”

He’s said that to her photo every night before bed and every morning upon waking.

But it’s a world of difference saying it to her face. Seeing it wash over her and viewing her eyes regain their spark.

“I thought I was dragging you down.”

“You were the only thing keeping me afloat.”

Her support has meant everything to him. Picked him up on his darkest days when there was no one else, when his thoughts were dangerous and his family was out of reach. When he was his own worst enemy.

He kisses her again. For saving him then and now.

“Don’t give up on me. I’ll get help, I’ll come back to you.”

Her hand trembles on his face as she peers up at him, searching his eyes for the truth. He leaves himself completely open letting her see everything he thought he had to hide to make this work.

“I won’t. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.”

This time he’s the one to collapse and she catches him, holding him up with all her strength rubbing circles into his back.

“Forever?”

She sniffles into his shoulder, short tight breaths against his skin.

“Yeah. I’d like that. Forever.”

And their forever restarts today. A new forever that they’ll create together.